How Do I Move?

We are getting ready to move into a new condo in Saco. I’m not even sure how we made this decision. I guess I was desperate for change in my life from being so incredibly burned out from my mother living here. As much as I love her, she has a way of sucking the life out of me.....always has. I know that some day I may look back on this and wish that I hadn’t typed it or thought it but I love her more than anything in the world. She doesn’t know any better at this age because she’s always lived her life the same way.....very little changes in her world. I never thought I would be able to have her move out of my house. How do you do that to your mother? I guess it came down to taking care of myself. 

When my father died, a big piece of me died with him. I will never be the same person and there are times when I wish I didn’t have to go on without him in my life. 

I think this will be the same with my mother. I have been her main caretaker for as long as I can remember. I’m sure I’m somewhat dependent on her in some ways and that will tear its ugly head when I lose her. I feel like I’m literally on the edge of insanity right now anyway and I have to take care of myself right now and regenerate. I know there is more loss to come. I don’t want to be this person. I hate who I am and I’m truly trying but it never lasts. I fall apart every few weeks. 

I know this is all rambling.....it might always be rambling but it feels good to get it off my chest and typed out. 

So.....how do I move..... my home, my grief and my outlook on the future?