Sometimes I wonder

I wonder sometimes how other people in my family mainly my siblings cannot take the time that they should be taking to spend with our mother. I have personally given so much of my time up and it’s caused me so much stress and physical illness. I’ve conveyed this to them, they see it, yet nothing changes. I have to almost begged them to go and visit or do something for her or run an errand for her. She of course is a very needy person and I am well aware of that. She has a hard time with the thought of me even going on vacation it’s almost as if she doesn’t think that I should go anywhere and it’s mainly her selfishness that makes her feel this way. She doesn’t want anybody except me doing things for her because I think she feels like she can control me the most which has pretty much always been the case but I really need to put some boundaries up with her. I know that she’s lonely and I and I know that she wants companionship and wants people to visit her but I can’t do it all and I don’t think that she understands that nor do I think my siblings understand it. They say they do yet they do nothing to help me again unless I beg them.

I am the caretaker in my family and always have been but it has come at a great cost to me, my mental health and my physical health at this point and I’m not getting any younger and I want to live some of my life without having all of that stress. I love my mother as much as I loved my father but I need a break I’m so burned out from running all of these errands and getting her doctors appointments  scheduled finding, ways for her to get there if I can’t take her, making sure she has food making sure her bills are paid And making sure that all of her insurance is kept up with and that all her medical bills are covered. It’s definitely a full-time job taking care of her even though she is in assisted-living right now. I don’t have enough time to live my already busy life and take care of everything that she needs so if it means having my siblings be upset with me about me complaining to them then so be it I need a life too.